Genuine complaints received by councils
1) My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.
2) ... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I
just can't take it anymore.
3) ... it's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off.
5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6) ... and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
against my fence.
7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting
married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into
11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12) ...50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the
rest are plain filthy.
13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
15) Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
and not fit to drink.
16) Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17) Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age
Pensioner and need it badly.
18) I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning
at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
19) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
20) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.
21) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please
do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every
22) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
23) I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I
still have no satisfaction.
24) This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't
get Channel BBC2 on the TV