After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanic's correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilot's review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack of sense of humour.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaint submitted by the Qantas pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire

P: Test flight okay, accept auto land very rough
S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in the cockpit
S: Something tightened in the cockpit

P: Dead bugs on the windshield
S: Live bugs on backorder

P: Auto pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute dissent
S: Cat reproduce problem on ground

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P:DME volume unbelievably loud
S DME volume reset for a more believable level

P: Fiction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what fiction locks are for

P:IFF inappropriate in OFF mode
S:IFF always an appropriate in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: The number three engine is missing
S: Engine found on right Wing after a brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogram target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer

S: Took the hammer away from the midget