Tracing your birth mother could take years, or like me it could take just a few months. Throughout this time you will probably be thinking about that first letter that you will send to her. There are few basic rules that you really must stick to when sending that very first letter to your birth mother. Obviously she's the one that gave birth to you so she's always known about you. However, you have got to assume that if she does have a family, they don't know anything about you. Under no circumstances should your first letter contain information about your true identity and why you are writing to her. If she hasn't told her family about you and they find out by inadvertently reading your letter, you could well jeopardise any chance of ever reuniting with her. I have decided to publish the letter I sent to my birth mother, I have made a few alterations to hide some personal information, but all in all the letter will give you an example of how you can write to your birth mother without saying who you are, but including relevant information that only she will know and understand.

I can remember the day I sent this letter, I was absolutely petrified, the letter took me about three days to write. However, I received a letter back from her within three days, the rest is history, or should I say very recent history, unless you're reading this in 25 years time.

Dear Jean,

Firstly, I hope that you don't mind me addressing you by your first name?

This is probably going to be one of the shortest "straight to the point" letters you've ever received, although it took me a very long time to write.

I was born on June **, 19** ******* Hospital in London. I was given the name Nicholas ******.  I'm hoping that you may be able to help me find family members.

So there you go, I told you it was a short letter.

If you can help in any way then please don't hesitate to contact me as I would be delighted to receive any information that you may have regarding this matter.

For your convenience I have included a SAE. If none of this means anything to you then would it be possible for you to let me know by either including a quick note in the SAE, or even just returning it back empty? If you are unable to give me any information then at least I can cross you off my list.

With warmest regards